Aidan has developed the habit of needing bedtime songs, his favourite being “Baby Beluga” right now.

The following is perhaps not quite appropriate for bedtime, but is absolutely hilarious, sweet, and a little bit bone chilling as I contemplate things to come…

(seen on Parent Dish)

OK. I don’t condone fighting in hockey. But, this is snort-liquid-of-choice – through-the-nose funny:

More cat humour from creation robot:

Laws applying to Cats

1 – Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force – such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby mouse.

2 – Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really, really, really good reason to change direction.

3 – Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

4 – Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat. All heat flows to a cat.

5 – Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. This could be up to half a mile.

6 – Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as possible.

7 – Law of Cat Jumping
A cat can make her body springy enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

8 – Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop dead instantly.

9 – Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

10 – Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state, for very long.

11 – Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat’s resistance varies in proportion to a human’s desire for her to do something.

12 – First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

13 – Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

14 – Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

15 – Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light, or even faster at the speed of cat.

16 – Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, find and take over the most comfortable spot in any given room.

17 – Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond or catosecond.

18 – Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat’s irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. A cat does not forgive you laughing at it.

19 – Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

20 – Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat’s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

21 – Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible. Human stomaches are ideal for this.

22 – Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

23 – Law of Cat Disinterest
A cats interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

24 – Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

25 – Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn’t Matter.

26 – Law of Selective Listening
Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile away, she can’t hear a simple command three feet away.

27 – Law of Equidistant Separation
All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the center of the room.

28 – Law of Cat Invisibility
Cats think that if they can’t see you, then you can’t see them.

29 – Law of Space-Time Continuum
Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space.

30 – Law of Concentration of Mass
A cat’s mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap she occupies or the need to lift them up.

31 – Law of Cat Probability, a Cat’s Uncertainty Principle
It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the probability of where she “might” be.

32 – Law of Cat Obedience
As yet undiscovered

Found this on Creation Robot (via bloglines):

Politically Correct Terms For Cat Owners

My cat does not barf hairballs he is a floor/rug redecorator
My cat does not break things she helps gravity do its job
My cat does not fear dogs they are merely sprint practice tools
My cat does not gobble she eats with alacrity
My cat does not scratch he is a furniture/rug/skin ventilator
My cat does not yowl he is singing off-key
My cat is not a “shedding machine” she is a hair relocation stylist
My cat is not a “treat-seeking missile” she enjoys the proximity of food
My cat is not a bed hog he is a mattress appreciator
My cat is not a chatterbox she is advising me on what to do next
My cat is not a dope addict she is catnip appreciative
My cat is not a lap fungus he is bed selective
My cat is not a pest she is attention deprived
My cat is not a ruthless hunter she is a wildlife control expert
My cat is not evil she is badness enhanced
My cat is not fat he is mass enhanced
My cat is not hydrophobic she has an inability to appreciate moisture
My cat is not lazy he is motivationally challenged
My cat is not underfoot she is leading me to my next destination (the food dish!)

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